Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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