Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
