When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
