Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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