Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
