he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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