At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize