I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
