I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
