i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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