I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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