you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I can text with my tongue
well you can't waste a boner
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
