forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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