FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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