and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
