what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
