ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Randomize
