protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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