Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
