Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I licked your asshole in confidence.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
