just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I currently don't understand fingers.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
