I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
