I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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