Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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