also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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