So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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