They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
