He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
