3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Randomize
