Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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