i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
