this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
