so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Randomize
