some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize