It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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