I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
