I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
