I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
