so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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