Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
