remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
