so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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