I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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