I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Your dad touched me again.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
