Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
