She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
