My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
