shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
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