I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just want to make out with him forever
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
