Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Plan B is the new Plan A
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
