First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
