I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Boobs are out for the taking
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
