I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Randomize
