if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
