I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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