you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize