woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
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