oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
