..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You can't just leave with hair like that
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
