it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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