I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
