who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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