Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize