hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Every concussion has its silver lining
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
