playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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