I wish my penis had an off switch
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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