just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
