I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
