watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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